My Last Post and My First Step Forward

           It’s been a week and a half since I began this experiment in “living deliberately”—or “living unconsciously” as my classmate has geniously phrased the experiment—and both terms completely capture the spectrum of my lessons learned. I would often catch myself instinctively reaching for paper towels, grabbing my set of car keys, and checking my email. There wasn’t a reasonable explanation for any my actions, I just did it because I always had. I realized I had become a machine; a piece that moved when the machine moved. The television told me a factory somewhere was making brilliant strides forward in paper towel technology, so I had to be part of the action. Besides, these paper towels were the only option to clean up the mess from a delicious chicken dinner that was available just around the corner! Well, better use my car to get there since I can’t possibly carry all the cheap goods I’ll buy back home if I walk. So, yes, this simple experiment brought all this unconsciousness to reality by deliberately seeking alternative options. But, in effort to keep this blog concise, I’ll briefly state that I followed my goals as best I could. I fell short in some areas, succeeded in others, but learned equally from all of them. Now, let me get real.

Since I started living deliberately, not only have I become aware of my unconscious way of life, but also have had to frequently face the billion dollar question (which is the point of this experiment, I think): “How do I want to live?” Well, opposed to how I want to die, ironically, I want my life to be loud and uncomfortable. But, isn’t this what everyone is trying to avoid in the relentless quest for success and happiness? Exactly. This week has taught me that if, until now, the way I have lived is unconscious and, therefore irrational, then rationalizing the way I want to live is a step in the right direction. Likewise, if happiness and success are subjective terms, then relating objective entities such as money, food, technology, and property to be the cause of our happiness or success doesn’t make much sense. This, I believe, is where the majority of us seem to be missing the boat. Modern conveniences such as grocery stores packed with delicious food, or luxury cars with comfortable leather interiors that tell you when to turn, absolutely do not create happiness. They are what they are—a building and a machine. They are not happy-factories or successful-cars. Go ahead, tell your friends you just came back from the happy-factory and wait for their response. Yet, we all too often attach “comfortable” with “car,” which results in our “happiness,” and is precisely why I don’t want to be comfortable in the first place.

The one thing I noticed throughout this week, as I refrained from driving and chose to walk to the far less convenient farmer’s market, was that I was uncomfortable. I was outside when I walked down the street and the city was loud. The sounds of the city were filled with chirping birds, interesting conversations, and sirens from ambulances. I could smell the flowers and trees of D.C. blooming. Everything was real and it was far better than being isolated in my car. I began to feel connected to my city, and became aware of my potential impact on my surroundings, in which I felt more responsible for my decisions. I’ve determined this is why I naturally felt more compelled to help my peers, and noticed a consistent improvement in my mood (reason=productive work=pride). I can’t help but wonder how these changes, taken to a larger scale, will impact my life from here forward. My conclusion, at least for the time being, is that being uncomfortable is the best way to break the cycle of living unconsciously and that living deliberately eventually leads to real happiness.

            

How Rand saved me from paper towels.

            It’s incredible how much I’ve learned and noticed so far in this weeklong experiment of living deliberately. The lessons and ideas that have been a result of conscious awareness in the daily choices I’ve made have occurred on so many levels. Since my second post (only two days ago), in which I was having psychotic debates in the bathroom over accidentally using paper towels, I’ve made some breakthroughs in my dilemma. Part of the reason for this welcomed breakthrough has come from the readings we’ve been doing for our class and the other part has been from applying this material in my every day decisions. For me, this is what living deliberately is all about, and on some level, it must be exactly what Ayn Rand was talking about in her notion of what it means to be “rationally selfish.” But, I’m getting ahead of myself. First, let me update you (because I know you’re dying to know) on how my experiment is going so far and I’ll tie it all in afterwards.

            My daily transportation has taken quite a hit since the first and second day. At first, I thought it would be easy to take the Metro—just set the alarm clock 15 minutes early and make it happen, right? Nay. On the third day of the experiment I had to drive to school because I had to save as much time as possible so I could have enough time for homework since I had family coming into town. I felt extremely guilty—again—and was having mental debates as I drove to school. Instead of appreciating the weather with my window rolled down and listening to music, I was beating myself up over the short three-mile drive. Similar patterns have emerged in the other areas of my experiment.

            Compared to the area of transportation, my food choices have been easy. I believe this is largely because deciding what to eat has little to do with external occurrences.  As long as the legwork is done ahead of time (i.e. shopping on Sunday for locally grown vegetarian foods), I’m in the clear. This has been the case for my week so far and it has been a relief compared to nearly all the other areas. Perhaps the ease and simplicity of this area will cement my beliefs in changing the way I choose to eat. Additionally, because this has been so easy, I’ve noticed feeling good about eating healthy, choosing options that support responsible and sustainable practices, and feeling connected to my local environment. The documentary we watched this morning, The Economic of Happiness, confirmed this notion and has motivated me to continue this lifestyle change after our experiment is complete.

            Similarly, I’ve been really impressed with how little I’ve consumed during this week as a result of being aware of my actions. It’s been a huge help to literally see how little I’ve consumed by looking at the trashcan I’ve set aside for this experiment. My trashcan is only a quarter full and seeing this has helped remove the burden of my paper towel dilemma. Nonetheless, my shirt and backpack have continued to be my primary substitute for paper towels, but seeing how little I’m wasting has been a huge relief!

            As far as technology use goes, I’ve regressed a bit. I’ve caught myself on a few occasions checking my email or cell phone when I shouldn’t be. But how is this a negative thing? As long as I keep it within reason and am aware that I could be doing work instead of texting or writing emails, I can keep things within reason. Even my wife has jumped on board and instead of watching TV when she comes home; she has suggested we eat dinner on our roof and “just talk.” We’ve done this a couple times this week and we’ve both noticed how much better it is to unwind from the day over a beer, rather than watching TV.

            The “happiness spillover” from the fore mentioned areas continue to impact my positive action throughout my day. My outlook on life, my mood, and my experiences in my classes have all drastically improved—on their own. As a result, I’m more willing to ask others if they need help, which has led to me feeling more connected to the AU community. Instead of feeling like a visitor of the campus and my classes, I feel a part of the student community just by making a few rational decisions for the better. Again, this is where Rand steps in.

            Rand’s notion of “rational selfishness” has played an increasingly larger role in my overall happiness throughout this week. Perhaps it has been because it has been the most recent material we’ve discussed, but it has nonetheless aided me in overcoming my dilemmas. Instead of my guilt detracting from my happiness, I’ve felt extremely good about my decisions because I’ve made the first step to rationally engage with my actions. Rand suggests there are three stages in the process of Objectivism, which contributes to our lives having value, and therefore, happiness: reason (rational decisions) gives our lives purpose (and leads to productive work), which results in greater self-esteem (overall pride).

            I emphasize Rand’s notion of Objectivism because it has helped me to realize what all the other authors have been discussing (Beavan, Foer, and Singer to name a few). It’s been one thing to discuss and debate their ideas in class, but it is certainly another thing to see and feel how they apply to our own lives. So, instead of beating myself up over driving or accidentally reaching for paper towels, I’ve decided that as long as I’m actively practicing (or making my best attempt) to make rational decisions, this will continue to give value to my life. After all, isn’t this what living is all about?

And the second day comes to an end--initial experiences in my experiment

           So, I’m coming to the end of the second day in my weeklong experiment with living deliberately and, I must say, it has been very interesting. It has been fascinating to feel such drastic differences in my perspective by making minor changes in my routine.  The most noticeable difference is my constant awareness of every action I do, such as washing my hands, deciding what to eat for lunch and dinner, and choosing where I want to exercise. Let me begin by breaking down the events that have occurred thus far.

            I set my alarm clock fifteen minutes early to allow for enough time to get to school on time. I made it to the Metro after stopping to appreciate the beautiful weather and spring foliage. Although I was participating in the same rush to get to a destination, I felt completely at ease as if I were separate from everyone else’s schedule. However, at the same time, I felt much more connected with my fellow DC citizens because we were riding on the same rail and experiencing the same build up of the day. I have never felt this way when driving to school. Instead, I’m usually frustrated with these same people because they were in my way! There it was—irony at work—and I had to laugh at the situation. The ride back from school was far different from my first trip because it took 45 minutes longer than usual to take the Metro and, as a student, 45 minutes is a lot of valuable studying time! This is something I’ll have to give more thought to as the experiment wages on.

            My food choices have been the easiest part of the experiment so far and I have enjoyed the alternative selections I’ve forced myself to make. Instead of a giant sandwich filled with meat, I’ve opted for the vegetarian route, which has been kind of refreshing. I felt lighter on my feet, but perhaps a little too light since I typically get hungry again shortly thereafter. Considering all of the material we’ve read so far in the semester, my conscience has been equally as light by choosing to “eat green.”

            Changing my consumption habits has been the area that has forced me to pause with nearly all the actions I had described above. Even before washing my hands I have to pause. What am I going to use to dry my hands? My shirt? My backpack? Needless to say, my shirt and backpack have remained wet for these past two days. But there is more to this than using my outfit to dry my hands.  Nearly everywhere else I’ve had to stop and think about my choices. What if I don’t use my shirt and use three paper towels to dry off (I’ve caught myself several times instinctively doing this)? I immediately feel guilty as if I’ve let down the entire human race. Here is where our recent classroom discussions join the party. Is it “selfish” to use three paper towels because I’ve robbed the forest of a tree branch? Keep in mind that I’m literally having these rhetorical debates while still in the bathroom and you’ll get a picture of how ridiculous this all is. This is something I’m really going to have to come to terms with because I can’t keep having these debates with every small decision I’m faced with.

            My refusal to check my email, Facebook, and cell phone every ten minutes has been going great. I’ve felt more focused on the task at hand (i.e. homework), and have been able to accomplish a great deal more than usual. Although my wife has complained a bit (this is the only thing she’s protested), it has been great to let go of the “inter-world” and live in the moment.

            Although I haven’t had the chance to participate in my volunteer commitment, I have noticed my unforced willingness to ask others if they need help. I say unforced because despite this being my goal, it isn’t the goal itself that’s urging me to ask others if they need help. It has been a culmination of all the other areas that have changed my daily interactions with my fellow students. It is because I’ve been forcing myself to think about my choices that I have instinctively reached out to others! It’s kind of funny that this area of the experiment seems to be “the twilight zone” of living deliberately. As I’ve been consciously aware of all the other actions I’ve made, this is the one thing that comes out of reaction and there’s definitely something there that will hopefully become clearer as week rolls on.

            I haven’t had the chance to run on the Rock Creek Trail yet because I needed to “get big” by using the weights at the AU gym. Similar to my dilemma in the bathroom, I felt guilty for not working out outside because it was such a beautiful, warm day. The guilt I’m forced to reconcile with has now become the theme of my experiment because this is what I believe the majority of the population today is faced with when discussing the notion of living deliberately, which ties directly into the notion of selfishness vs. altruism. Where does our morality, ethics, and reason fit into all these areas and how much should an individual do? At what cost? These are the questions that I intend to have an answer for by the end of the semester--------Ha.