My Last Post and My First Step Forward

           It’s been a week and a half since I began this experiment in “living deliberately”—or “living unconsciously” as my classmate has geniously phrased the experiment—and both terms completely capture the spectrum of my lessons learned. I would often catch myself instinctively reaching for paper towels, grabbing my set of car keys, and checking my email. There wasn’t a reasonable explanation for any my actions, I just did it because I always had. I realized I had become a machine; a piece that moved when the machine moved. The television told me a factory somewhere was making brilliant strides forward in paper towel technology, so I had to be part of the action. Besides, these paper towels were the only option to clean up the mess from a delicious chicken dinner that was available just around the corner! Well, better use my car to get there since I can’t possibly carry all the cheap goods I’ll buy back home if I walk. So, yes, this simple experiment brought all this unconsciousness to reality by deliberately seeking alternative options. But, in effort to keep this blog concise, I’ll briefly state that I followed my goals as best I could. I fell short in some areas, succeeded in others, but learned equally from all of them. Now, let me get real.

Since I started living deliberately, not only have I become aware of my unconscious way of life, but also have had to frequently face the billion dollar question (which is the point of this experiment, I think): “How do I want to live?” Well, opposed to how I want to die, ironically, I want my life to be loud and uncomfortable. But, isn’t this what everyone is trying to avoid in the relentless quest for success and happiness? Exactly. This week has taught me that if, until now, the way I have lived is unconscious and, therefore irrational, then rationalizing the way I want to live is a step in the right direction. Likewise, if happiness and success are subjective terms, then relating objective entities such as money, food, technology, and property to be the cause of our happiness or success doesn’t make much sense. This, I believe, is where the majority of us seem to be missing the boat. Modern conveniences such as grocery stores packed with delicious food, or luxury cars with comfortable leather interiors that tell you when to turn, absolutely do not create happiness. They are what they are—a building and a machine. They are not happy-factories or successful-cars. Go ahead, tell your friends you just came back from the happy-factory and wait for their response. Yet, we all too often attach “comfortable” with “car,” which results in our “happiness,” and is precisely why I don’t want to be comfortable in the first place.

The one thing I noticed throughout this week, as I refrained from driving and chose to walk to the far less convenient farmer’s market, was that I was uncomfortable. I was outside when I walked down the street and the city was loud. The sounds of the city were filled with chirping birds, interesting conversations, and sirens from ambulances. I could smell the flowers and trees of D.C. blooming. Everything was real and it was far better than being isolated in my car. I began to feel connected to my city, and became aware of my potential impact on my surroundings, in which I felt more responsible for my decisions. I’ve determined this is why I naturally felt more compelled to help my peers, and noticed a consistent improvement in my mood (reason=productive work=pride). I can’t help but wonder how these changes, taken to a larger scale, will impact my life from here forward. My conclusion, at least for the time being, is that being uncomfortable is the best way to break the cycle of living unconsciously and that living deliberately eventually leads to real happiness.